FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Lack of chat and bangs from single guys?
Lack of chat and bangs from single guys?
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So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Bangs?
It's rare for me to ask to play with someone that I haven't talked with earlier. Being friendly and sociable is not just enjoyable in its own right, it's close to essential if you want any later offer to be accepted.
"Hi, I'm a decent person who treats women like they're people" is going to get you a lot further than "Pleasure me now, sex toy". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected. |
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"Bangs?
It's rare for me to ask to play with someone that I haven't talked with earlier. Being friendly and sociable is not just enjoyable in its own right, it's close to essential if you want any later offer to be accepted.
"Hi, I'm a decent person who treats women like they're people" is going to get you a lot further than "Pleasure me now, sex toy"."
I meant banter but didn’t spell check!  glad to hear someone does! I agree the social side is so, so important! Thanks for your input! |
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"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected."
Better to try and fail, then not try at all? They might get lucky if they just tried!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There have been a couple of lovely guys that have come over and chatted to us the last time we were out, very friendly and easy to chat to. But then there were a number more standoffish (and of course a few that just patrolled the playrooms).
The ones that we invited to join us - the chatty, friendly ones. They do say faint heart never won fair lady... |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
It’s a balancing act … many single guys realise they have to make the effort to be sociable as couples or single ladies rarely say the first hello in my experience …. And as a previous poster said , you don’t want to appear pushy , and (very rarely) a couple might just be randomly rude if you say hello … so you tend to tread cautiously… |
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"It’s a balancing act … many single guys realise they have to make the effort to be sociable as couples or single ladies rarely say the first hello in my experience …. And as a previous poster said , you don’t want to appear pushy , and (very rarely) a couple might just be randomly rude if you say hello … so you tend to tread cautiously…"
Thank you for your honesty. I would never be openly rude to anyone who attempted a conversation, but would also not lead on if there wasn’t a “thing” there either. It’s tough as love chatting, but don’t want to bonk every Tom, Dick and Harry! A fine line! |
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In my experience, a lot depends on the club. I have been to quite a few, and there are clubs where men approach women and couples and try to create some rapport, and clubs where men either just stare or wait for a chance to pounce on a woman when she's least expecting it.
I do like to play with men in clubs but my brain is my biggest sexual organ. It doesn't get stimulated by intense stares, by men following me wherever I go or standing so close to me when I'm playing that I can hardly breathe. Yes, being rejected sucks, but if you don't ask, you don't get. |
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By *yphodMan
over a year ago
London |
Some of us can be a little shy. I always try and make eye contact, say hello. I personally find a spa type environment a little easier.
Striking a conversation especially in a swinging club environment can be quite daunting, especially in the UK where everybody beats around the bush.
So girls/couples give is a few clues as to the best way.  Can we complement you as an opener, or should be do the British thing and talk about the weather |
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"In my experience, a lot depends on the club. I have been to quite a few, and there are clubs where men approach women and couples and try to create some rapport, and clubs where men either just stare or wait for a chance to pounce on a woman when she's least expecting it.
I do like to play with men in clubs but my brain is my biggest sexual organ. It doesn't get stimulated by intense stares, by men following me wherever I go or standing so close to me when I'm playing that I can hardly breathe. Yes, being rejected sucks, but if you don't ask, you don't get. "
Well said!! |
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"Some of us can be a little shy. I always try and make eye contact, say hello. I personally find a spa type environment a little easier.
Striking a conversation especially in a swinging club environment can be quite daunting, especially in the UK where everybody beats around the bush.
So girls/couples give is a few clues as to the best way. Can we complement you as an opener, or should be do the British thing and talk about the weather "
Both would be a winning formula!! |
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I think this is often the difference between those successful single guys that everyone kind of knows and plays with v the ones that just lurk. Having said that there are those that are very forward and creepy which is never good.
In my experience as a single in the past I get its hard. With the narrative often on here about single guys and the high chance of rejection its easy to understand why guys lose their confidence to approach people. Unfortunately (depending what they want from a club) sitting in the corn will get you no where. You have to talk to people and have broad enough shoulders to take a fair few knock backs. It's just the nature of things. A friendly face and a bit of personality always is helpful. So don't be a wall flower.
And if there is plenty of guys and non of them are forth coming then maybe it's your turn as a single lady or couple to make the first move? Sounds like single lady/couple privilege can't be guaranteed any more. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"Some of us can be a little shy. I always try and make eye contact, say hello. I personally find a spa type environment a little easier.
Striking a conversation especially in a swinging club environment can be quite daunting, especially in the UK where everybody beats around the bush.
So girls/couples give is a few clues as to the best way. Can we complement you as an opener, or should be do the British thing and talk about the weather "
I'd say the best way is to introduce yourself and then talk. The conversation itself isn't that viral. Coming across as friendly, smiling and eye contact are key for me.
But I've never played with a guy in a club that I haven't had some kind of conversation earlier in the night. |
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"I went to a club Friday and I always approach but didn’t see any single guys to talk to…. Until I went into the play room and 10 appeared from no where  "
I would be to shy to try my luck in a room without having a laugh first |
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A piece of advice for all single men trying their luck in clubs: remember, every single man in the club has got a cock to offer. Some are bigger, some are smaller, but in the end they serve the same purpose. Therefore, if you'd like to be more successful in a club, have a think about what else, apart from just your cock, you can offer to ladies and couples in the club, something that would make you stand out.
For my partner, who is rather shy and finds it hard to approach women (and couples), dressing up (like for Halloween, for example) is one answer. As then people would comment on his outfit and he has a conversation starter. But what is getting him even more attention now, is the spikey massage gloves that I made. Most women (and some men) are very sensual and love being touched. So he just offers "free samples" of the glove, mostly just on their arms or the neck. Hardly anyone turns him down lol. Those gloves helped him make a few lady friends.
So single men in clubs- do have a think about what makes you stand out or what you could use to make you stand out. Even using comedy/making a fool of yourself can work. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"A piece of advice for all single men trying their luck in clubs: remember, every single man in the club has got a cock to offer. Some are bigger, some are smaller, but in the end they serve the same purpose. Therefore, if you'd like to be more successful in a club, have a think about what else, apart from just your cock, you can offer to ladies and couples in the club, something that would make you stand out.
For my partner, who is rather shy and finds it hard to approach women (and couples), dressing up (like for Halloween, for example) is one answer. As then people would comment on his outfit and he has a conversation starter. But what is getting him even more attention now, is the spikey massage gloves that I made. Most women (and some men) are very sensual and love being touched. So he just offers "free samples" of the glove, mostly just on their arms or the neck. Hardly anyone turns him down lol. Those gloves helped him make a few lady friends.
So single men in clubs- do have a think about what makes you stand out or what you could use to make you stand out. Even using comedy/making a fool of yourself can work. "
Actually this is a good point. A lady I spoke to this weekend remembered seeing me at an even when I dressed in a school uniform and mentioned it when we spoke. She early on mentioned she wasn’t looking for single guys but we still chatted
Small things like this make a huge difference |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected.
Better to try and fail, then not try at all? They might get lucky if they just tried!! "
There's only so much trial and failing one is going to put up with - especially if trying is a frosty reception.
I've actually seen that side happen to men.
I don't mind speaking first - I'm quite down to earth and to me it's not about 'why do I have to speak first and make the effort'....
It's not a competition! |
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I'm a social person and always talk to couples and singles in clubs. I never go with the expectation of getting anything. Unfortunately the "wanking dead" who follow you all about make it so much harder for us genuine ones |
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By *unCuriousHarryMan
over a year ago
somrwhere over the rainbow, The Shire |
"I went to a club Friday and I always approach but didn’t see any single guys to talk to…. Until I went into the play room and 10 appeared from no where "
I was at the bar doing shots hahaha so that’s why you missed me Jokes aside it is tough for single guys at clubs but yes I think it’s a two way thing and a guy does need to make some effort… I tend to not go into the pay areas unless invited…. hmmmmm I think I’ve missed a trick there or not haha |
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By *aseMan
over a year ago
Gourock |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? "
I can't even get chat on here lol
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By *ad66Couple
over a year ago
Manchester |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? I can't even get chat on here lol"
I think she's describing "the wanking dead" the guys who just stare at the women & have zero interest in chatting to the women/couples & seem to have lost the ability to be human. |
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I feel a little intimidated in a club as a single guy to be honest. Most people already seem to be in groups chatting that it's really hard to inject yourself into the conversation, especially if you are lacking a little confidence.
Plus, there is such a negative feeling towards us from many as seen in plenty of forum posts, and they way clubs treat us (over pricing and banning us on certain days) that it sometimes makes me feel unwanted.
Even when going as a couple, it's generally the woman who receives all of the attention.
I'd try to get eye contact and smile from a distance first, and if that is returned, I'd then try building up the courage to go over. Not managed it so far though (but then I have only been to a club solo once so far) |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? I can't even get chat on here lol
I think she's describing "the wanking dead" the guys who just stare at the women & have zero interest in chatting to the women/couples & seem to have lost the ability to be human. "
No, they mutated during lockdown. Now you’ve got Zombie Murray Walker peering over my man’s shoulder while he’s getting me off, giving a Very! Excited! Commentary!! And there’s some fun ghosties who look cute, never say anything but just appear from nowhere when they hear an orgasm. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I feel a little intimidated in a club as a single guy to be honest. Most people already seem to be in groups chatting that it's really hard to inject yourself into the conversation, especially if you are lacking a little confidence.
Plus, there is such a negative feeling towards us from many as seen in plenty of forum posts, and they way clubs treat us (over pricing and banning us on certain days) that it sometimes makes me feel unwanted.
Even when going as a couple, it's generally the woman who receives all of the attention.
I'd try to get eye contact and smile from a distance first, and if that is returned, I'd then try building up the courage to go over. Not managed it so far though (but then I have only been to a club solo once so far) "
That’s quite normal. Tbh i have got to know people over the years by just spending time at the bar in a club. You often get introduced, also I introduce others as well.
I don’t even both to inject myself if couples are talking to each other, even if I know them both I might just say hello as I walk past.
I would say being a single guy requires ground work so often I will have a look who is going on forum thread and see if anyone takes my fancy. If not will turn up, my rope and play kit is often a conversation starter.
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"I went to a club Friday and I always approach but didn’t see any single guys to talk to…. Until I went into the play room and 10 appeared from no where "
This ...
In our limited experience the lurkers in play area have an expectation to be involved |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I went to a club Friday and I always approach but didn’t see any single guys to talk to…. Until I went into the play room and 10 appeared from no where
This ...
In our limited experience the lurkers in play area have an expectation to be involved"
See I don’t have a problem with lurkers that watch if I am playing with a female at all. Why as I get off on being watched. If anything lurkers not the issue. For me it’s pushy people that grab and touch without asking |
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"If not will turn up, my rope and play kit is often a conversation starter.
"
Exactly! You found something that makes you stand out from crowd of single guys. Obviously not everyone is going to be interested in rope play but those who are, they normally genuinely are interested. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"If not will turn up, my rope and play kit is often a conversation starter.
Exactly! You found something that makes you stand out from crowd of single guys. Obviously not everyone is going to be interested in rope play but those who are, they normally genuinely are interested. "
Even if they are not - the pin wheel gets people intrigued. It’s a way to chat about random things. |
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By *ougie321Man
over a year ago
Milford Haven |
"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected."
This is so right, called respecting |
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"I feel a little intimidated in a club as a single guy to be honest. Most people already seem to be in groups chatting that it's really hard to inject yourself into the conversation, especially if you are lacking a little confidence.
Plus, there is such a negative feeling towards us from many as seen in plenty of forum posts, and they way clubs treat us (over pricing and banning us on certain days) that it sometimes makes me feel unwanted.
Even when going as a couple, it's generally the woman who receives all of the attention.
I'd try to get eye contact and smile from a distance first, and if that is returned, I'd then try building up the courage to go over. Not managed it so far though (but then I have only been to a club solo once so far)
That’s quite normal. Tbh i have got to know people over the years by just spending time at the bar in a club. You often get introduced, also I introduce others as well.
I don’t even both to inject myself if couples are talking to each other, even if I know them both I might just say hello as I walk past.
I would say being a single guy requires ground work so often I will have a look who is going on forum thread and see if anyone takes my fancy. If not will turn up, my rope and play kit is often a conversation starter.
"
Agreed, when going to a club, I always look on the forums to say hi first, it's then easier to get chatting if you see each other.
When there, I generally smile and say hello to everyone as I'm passing as that makes you more approachable.
It's definitely tricky though. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I feel a little intimidated in a club as a single guy to be honest. Most people already seem to be in groups chatting that it's really hard to inject yourself into the conversation, especially if you are lacking a little confidence.
Plus, there is such a negative feeling towards us from many as seen in plenty of forum posts, and they way clubs treat us (over pricing and banning us on certain days) that it sometimes makes me feel unwanted.
Even when going as a couple, it's generally the woman who receives all of the attention.
I'd try to get eye contact and smile from a distance first, and if that is returned, I'd then try building up the courage to go over. Not managed it so far though (but then I have only been to a club solo once so far)
That’s quite normal. Tbh i have got to know people over the years by just spending time at the bar in a club. You often get introduced, also I introduce others as well.
I don’t even both to inject myself if couples are talking to each other, even if I know them both I might just say hello as I walk past.
I would say being a single guy requires ground work so often I will have a look who is going on forum thread and see if anyone takes my fancy. If not will turn up, my rope and play kit is often a conversation starter.
Agreed, when going to a club, I always look on the forums to say hi first, it's then easier to get chatting if you see each other.
When there, I generally smile and say hello to everyone as I'm passing as that makes you more approachable.
It's definitely tricky though. "
m
Agreed on tricky. I never know if people are interested or not either |
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By *iraelWoman
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? I can't even get chat on here lol
I think she's describing "the wanking dead" the guys who just stare at the women & have zero interest in chatting to the women/couples & seem to have lost the ability to be human.
No, they mutated during lockdown. Now you’ve got Zombie Murray Walker peering over my man’s shoulder while he’s getting me off, giving a Very! Excited! Commentary!! And there’s some fun ghosties who look cute, never say anything but just appear from nowhere when they hear an orgasm."
Oh this is just the PERFECT description.
Last time I had a run in with someone who thought he was a commentating genius, my sarcastic side quickly put a stop to it.
“Oooh she’s loving when you do that!”
“Well she WAS quite enjoying it, but now she’s distracted and thinks she might go get another drink instead.”
As for the cute ghosties, if they just managed one or two words in the bar, they could get their own orgasms.
I know I’m far from the best at approaching people, and my Friday nights out are also highly geared to actual talking to actual friends, but there were at least three guys I’d have liked to start a conversation with at Chams last Friday, and none of them even attempted a chat when I smiled at them in the bar. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? I can't even get chat on here lol
I think she's describing "the wanking dead" the guys who just stare at the women & have zero interest in chatting to the women/couples & seem to have lost the ability to be human.
No, they mutated during lockdown. Now you’ve got Zombie Murray Walker peering over my man’s shoulder while he’s getting me off, giving a Very! Excited! Commentary!! And there’s some fun ghosties who look cute, never say anything but just appear from nowhere when they hear an orgasm.
Oh this is just the PERFECT description.
Last time I had a run in with someone who thought he was a commentating genius, my sarcastic side quickly put a stop to it.
“Oooh she’s loving when you do that!”
“Well she WAS quite enjoying it, but now she’s distracted and thinks she might go get another drink instead.”
As for the cute ghosties, if they just managed one or two words in the bar, they could get their own orgasms.
I know I’m far from the best at approaching people, and my Friday nights out are also highly geared to actual talking to actual friends, but there were at least three guys I’d have liked to start a conversation with at Chams last Friday, and none of them even attempted a chat when I smiled at them in the bar. "
But if someone smiled at me, I might go a bit shy. Someone was commentating on a woman on Saturday in my club and she was loving it. I personally wouldn’t and would rather watch and pleasure myself |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? I can't even get chat on here lol
I think she's describing "the wanking dead" the guys who just stare at the women & have zero interest in chatting to the women/couples & seem to have lost the ability to be human. "
Maybe those men want to voyeur not converse with others!
Nothing inhuman about having your own agenda whilst in a club.
Funny enough, it's the ones who have talked to me, who then think they have a right to fuck me, after a quick conversation!
Shall we call them, the arrogant wankers! |
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I host a night for women who like single guys…. I vet the guys and not had any complaints but I also set up a kik group up for couples / ladies / single guys who are on the guest list a week before so single guys can try and chat and it usually goes down well. X |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"I host a night for women who like single guys…. I vet the guys and not had any complaints but I also set up a kik group up for couples / ladies / single guys who are on the guest list a week before so single guys can try and chat and it usually goes down well. X "
That’s a really good idea  |
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"I host a night for women who like single guys…. I vet the guys and not had any complaints but I also set up a kik group up for couples / ladies / single guys who are on the guest list a week before so single guys can try and chat and it usually goes down well. X "
That's a brilliant way to do it.
Allows everyone to break the ice a little, before they actually meet. |
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In clubs if I'm walking through play area I get men following me expecting me to go into a room and that's their invite without talking to me, I've also been told by men that they find pretty women scary and won't talk to them, ive even started conversation with men by asking how they are doing and then after 5 mins of talking I get the your turning me on or I bet you know what your doing, its a automatic turn off |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? "
You must be going to the clubs 
|
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I have noticed since clubs were allowed to reopen, an small influx of single men who lack the social skills and rarely talk to anyone but often try their luck on open play areas, do not respect locked doors, touch without consent etc. Not sure if some clubs relaxed their vetting process and if so it may be a financial strategy to increase income.
Having said that, I am not sure what club you regularly attend but thankfully we will still find on most clubs, loads of single men with the right attitude and social manners. |
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A lot of the single guys seem to just wander , my wife prefers to be approached rather than go looking , but admittedly some couples can be rude instead of staying no thanks politely, I think some kind of coloured wristband should be used in clubs , I normally let guys know who I am chatting with that wife will play with single guys if she extremely horny on the night or if she fancies any of the guys watching us , wife she thinks single guys should be made to walk around naked lol , |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"A lot of the single guys seem to just wander , my wife prefers to be approached rather than go looking , but admittedly some couples can be rude instead of staying no thanks politely, I think some kind of coloured wristband should be used in clubs , I normally let guys know who I am chatting with that wife will play with single guys if she extremely horny on the night or if she fancies any of the guys watching us , wife she thinks single guys should be made to walk around naked lol , "
Noooo I prefer boxers on
I Dunnow if I would like a wristband. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? "
Yep….. three words
It…. Takes…. Two!!
The onus here isn’t just on one side here….
It everyone waits on someone else to do something…. Nothing will get done |
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A really good thread and actually some very good advice and some I will certainly think about next time I’m at libs.
Me personally I like to see who maybe potentially going on a night I am and if I think the profile suits I’d send a message introducing myself and would be lovely to say hello in the bar area. This has worked really well and as couples tend to mix more with couples in that environment it’s so much easier to mingle and get chatting to more people.
The thought of walking over to a couple and being told no thank you is the obvious scenario that runs through every guys head and it’s like I want to go over but what about rejection! In my experience it would take a very harsh couple to be so blunt and I honestly think all would actually understand and respect how much guts it takes and would talk to them and would at least make small talk and not leave you feeling embarrassed. However it would be nice sometimes if someone was alone at the bar that couples could make an effort to say hello, a guy could be on his first night so it’s a two way thing where both sides could do more. We have all been the newbies in a club at some stage. |
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"I have noticed since clubs were allowed to reopen, an small influx of single men who lack the social skills and rarely talk to anyone but often try their luck on open play areas, do not respect locked doors, touch without consent etc. Not sure if some clubs relaxed their vetting process and if so it may be a financial strategy to increase income.
Having said that, I am not sure what club you regularly attend but thankfully we will still find on most clubs, loads of single men with the right attitude and social manners. "
We have been to quite a few, a couple never to return to, but one was surprisingly poor on the male front! It was one of the better clubs with a good reputation. Win some, you lose some! |
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"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone?
Yep….. three words
It…. Takes…. Two!!
The onus here isn’t just on one side here….
It everyone waits on someone else to do something…. Nothing will get done "
Of course you are right! I am a really chatty person, relatively attractive, and happy to open conversation! What am I doing wrong? |
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I was at a club 3 weeks ago. Chatted to 5 ladies and got intimate with 3 of them. Also made friends with a couple who I introduced to my wife the following weekend on a night out. But it did appear that most of the single guys were older in the club and they were just hanging about. Where as I will say hi and make a conversation with people I find attractive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im a really chatty guy too. I always like to have a chat and a little bit of banter in a club or anywhere else xx i think it's ignorant if that's what's happening in the club's atm x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone?
"
I have been many clubs many times and less it's a greedy girls night it's not the done thing for single men to just go up and chat to couples they don't know.
Some couples will just be out right rude to you rather then a polite few words letting you know there not interested.
Am very chatty and make friends at clubs easily but never just go up and start talking to the ones never seen and have shown no interest in me.
Clubs are the real world and this is fab. |
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"In my experience, a lot depends on the club. I have been to quite a few, and there are clubs where men approach women and couples and try to create some rapport, and clubs where men either just stare or wait for a chance to pounce on a woman when she's least expecting it.
I do like to play with men in clubs but my brain is my biggest sexual organ. It doesn't get stimulated by intense stares, by men following me wherever I go or standing so close to me when I'm playing that I can hardly breathe. Yes, being rejected sucks, but if you don't ask, you don't get. "
I think we have mostly been to the starey, pouncey places.
A bit of fun conversation goes a very long way, along with "may I touch you?" Before making a grab for my boobs. |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone?
I have been many clubs many times and less it's a greedy girls night it's not the done thing for single men to just go up and chat to couples they don't know.
Some couples will just be out right rude to you rather then a polite few words letting you know there not interested.
Am very chatty and make friends at clubs easily but never just go up and start talking to the ones never seen and have shown no interest in me.
Clubs are the real world and this is fab."
I've chatted to loads of couples and had a great time, I am very sociable. If you go on a night when single guys go...most couples expect ,or indeed like a friendly hello from a single gent.
I have had a few rude people but it's a small percentage.
I also chat to a lot of ladies in real life ...
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By *onelockMan
over a year ago
Kettering |
Probably the single guys are terrified to approach! I went to Jaydees for Halloween party, I know the organisers, i have anything against them but that particular night i have chatted with few couples then i chatted with two d*unk women regulars in there and all i've said was whats your name and have you having a fun night! And boom! they went to complain that I've being pushy with them! Then the security came to me telling how to behave, then I got very upset and I left! Single women and couples who know me they know that I'm not pushy and I'm very respectful. So next time i would be in there probably I will be thinking twice before approaching someone! Yes single man life it's not easy ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The wristband idea I like...
Yeah but would that entice conversation or just some one coming up to you and just saying would you like to go to a room. "
Pretty sure people will know they'd have to chat at that point! |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"The wristband idea I like...
Yeah but would that entice conversation or just some one coming up to you and just saying would you like to go to a room.
Pretty sure people will know they'd have to chat at that point!"
You’d be surprised |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Probably the single guys are terrified to approach! I went to Jaydees for Halloween party, I know the organisers, i have anything against them but that particular night i have chatted with few couples then i chatted with two d*unk women regulars in there and all i've said was whats your name and have you having a fun night! And boom! they went to complain that I've being pushy with them! Then the security came to me telling how to behave, then I got very upset and I left! Single women and couples who know me they know that I'm not pushy and I'm very respectful. So next time i would be in there probably I will be thinking twice before approaching someone! Yes single man life it's not easy ! "
I would have asked to be speak to the manager and explained that they were d*unk. Often a lot of clubs have no d*unk rules. Most won’t implement or will stop serving. |
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By *nly4funMan
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone?
Yep….. three words
It…. Takes…. Two!!
The onus here isn’t just on one side here….
It everyone waits on someone else to do something…. Nothing will get done
Of course you are right! I am a really chatty person, relatively attractive, and happy to open conversation! What am I doing wrong? "
Are you members of Purple Mamba? If I see you there I will happily chat with you. And with no expectations!! Although if we click ...!!
PM me if this is a possibility and we can coordinate far lol |
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You’re absolutely right, our best single guy club experience started with the chap just coming over and having a friendly chat about general lifestyle experience.
Fast forward an hour, I’m playing with kitty on a voyeur bed he asks if he can join in. Kitty knows a bit about him so he’s absolutely fine to join in! |
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Rejection is a normal occurence on human beings life. I am very chatty and talk to anyone and have no problem in approaching couples to talk.
If the reception is negative or bordering rudness, I say thank you and move away no harm done.
Why on hell I will be reflecting or trying to understand this type of behaviour? Their choice. Perhaps, some single men do not grasp the swinging concept or the fact that clubs are not a way to sort their sex life. I always say as a newbie if you are not confident, very shy and feel odd approaching couples (yes couples, single women are rare), I am not sure if a club is the right place as it can turn into an unpleasant experience.
On my humble opinion before going to a club try socials as in general the vibe is more relaxed and sex is not under the radar. |
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By *yphodMan
over a year ago
London |
A lot of clubs could help with the atmosphere and integration of the single males.
In normal circumstances (i.e. a non swingers club), you generally don't have a single (male or female) turning up by themselves they will have a mate with them, except maybe hobby specific clubs, and there the host will generally introduce you and put you in a group.
So what happens, you turn up on your own, you get a quick whip round the club and then left to your own devices. The couples and regulars take up the seats, leaving only the odd single table or the bar stool free. So the single sits there trying to make eye contact/chat with little success.
At some point a couple may get up and move to the play area. All the single males follow.
How about starting the evening with something light hearted like a pub quiz and the host placing people into groups. Then move on to something a bit spicy, like underwear/naked twister.
Or how about a 50s style dance night, all the ladies on one side all the guys on the other and you have to pick a partner alternating between men and women doing the choosing.
I would imagine the atmosphere both for the couples and the singles would improve massively.
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"A lot of clubs could help with the atmosphere and integration of the single males.
In normal circumstances (i.e. a non swingers club), you generally don't have a single (male or female) turning up by themselves they will have a mate with them, except maybe hobby specific clubs, and there the host will generally introduce you and put you in a group.
So what happens, you turn up on your own, you get a quick whip round the club and then left to your own devices. The couples and regulars take up the seats, leaving only the odd single table or the bar stool free. So the single sits there trying to make eye contact/chat with little success.
At some point a couple may get up and move to the play area. All the single males follow.
How about starting the evening with something light hearted like a pub quiz and the host placing people into groups. Then move on to something a bit spicy, like underwear/naked twister.
Or how about a 50s style dance night, all the ladies on one side all the guys on the other and you have to pick a partner alternating between men and women doing the choosing.
I would imagine the atmosphere both for the couples and the singles would improve massively.
"
You go to wrong clubs? The club we go to most regularly, there are no tables. You have some sofas, in the lounge, bar/disco area and upstairs and anyone is welcome on those. There is also a kitchen that plenty of times it's "the place to be" lol.
Also, if the club has got hot tub or a pool, that's a great place to start conversations. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"The wristband idea I like... "
The wristband idea is one I absolutely loathe…..
Why?
Because people are not robots…. Because it stifles conversation… because it puts fear in anyone going up to someone
All a wristband does is give an idea… it May Say you want a couple or a single… it doesn’t say I want you ! As a individual
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
If I want to play I am big enough and adult enough to come out and say it… and since I am an adult in an adult place, I’ll use those word! But if you are getting all that out of a “hello” … that not a me issue… that’s a you issue!!
I’d rather be known as a chatty gobshite than a silent lamb…. |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
"
This is a very good point fabs, there are some people that make the assumption because you approached them to say hello , that you want something more from them. Where as often your just being friendly. I know it’s a common assumption that we would like to shag anyone we lay our eyes on, this is not the case.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Apparently my profile is offensive it’s only meant to be a bit of craic x"
I've just read your profile.
Its informative and funny.
I think because you come across as strong and confident it may put them off.
Personally i love confident women,such a turn on, especially when they go after what they want. |
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"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone? "
Having been to several clubs as a single guy, I know how difficult it is to get any 'rapport' going from couples. I will only approach a couple now if I read any kind of friendly body language from them, catching their gaze, a friendly smile etc. I've received too many negative responses "We're not interested in single guys thanks" to just try to engage with anyone off the cuff. It put me off the club scene tbh, and lockdown showed I really didn't need clubs.... |
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"I was at a club 3 weeks ago. Chatted to 5 ladies and got intimate with 3 of them. Also made friends with a couple who I introduced to my wife the following weekend on a night out. But it did appear that most of the single guys were older in the club and they were just hanging about. Where as I will say hi and make a conversation with people I find attractive "
Was that your first time in that particular club, by yourself, or were you already known to these ladies?
5 single ladies (at least) in a club is a rare sight indeed……. |
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"I feel a little intimidated in a club as a single guy to be honest. Most people already seem to be in groups chatting that it's really hard to inject yourself into the conversation, especially if you are lacking a little confidence.
Plus, there is such a negative feeling towards us from many as seen in plenty of forum posts, and they way clubs treat us (over pricing and banning us on certain days) that it sometimes makes me feel unwanted.
Even when going as a couple, it's generally the woman who receives all of the attention.
I'd try to get eye contact and smile from a distance first, and if that is returned, I'd then try building up the courage to go over. Not managed it so far though (but then I have only been to a club solo once so far) "
Love your “polishing your nob” photo! Now that’s an ice breaker! Funny guy!!! Own it this weekend!!! |
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"So…….. it has become apparent over this last couple of weeks, there is a distinct lack of any chat from single guys in a club to “break the ice”, “create some rapport”, you get my point! Is this the norm now? I’m a pretty simple woman and bit of banter and chat will get you most places! Any thoughts from anyone?
Yep….. three words
It…. Takes…. Two!!
The onus here isn’t just on one side here….
It everyone waits on someone else to do something…. Nothing will get done
Of course you are right! I am a really chatty person, relatively attractive, and happy to open conversation! What am I doing wrong?
Are you members of Purple Mamba? If I see you there I will happily chat with you. And with no expectations!! Although if we click ...!!
PM me if this is a possibility and we can coordinate far lol "
We are members, but find it a bit small! But of course, love chatting to people! Great part of the. Day/evening! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The wristband idea I like...
The wristband idea is one I absolutely loathe…..
Why?
Because people are not robots…. Because it stifles conversation… because it puts fear in anyone going up to someone
All a wristband does is give an idea… it May Say you want a couple or a single… it doesn’t say I want you ! As a individual
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
If I want to play I am big enough and adult enough to come out and say it… and since I am an adult in an adult place, I’ll use those word! But if you are getting all that out of a “hello” … that not a me issue… that’s a you issue!!
I’d rather be known as a chatty gobshite than a silent lamb…."
Thank you for sharing that with us/me....
I like the idea as an ice breaker and for the shy types to approach!
Just think out there in the club world, there are SOME who feel apprehensive to talk to any female.
I wasn't thinking of me I was thinking of those! |
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I make it a point to talk to anyone who seems up for a chat at clubs. Tho there has been times that I've chatted to a lady for most of the evening and got them in the mood and when we got to a room... Bam all of a sudden the room is filled with guys who were lurking and I'm literally kicked to the side as they all want a turn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There have been a couple of lovely guys that have come over and chatted to us the last time we were out, very friendly and easy to chat to. But then there were a number more standoffish (and of course a few that just patrolled the playrooms).
The ones that we invited to join us - the chatty, friendly ones. They do say faint heart never won fair lady..."
I am a genuine friendly chatty guy who loves to build up a rapport....yet you for some reason have blocked me ...interesting you preach about the faint hearted.. lol |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"The wristband idea I like...
The wristband idea is one I absolutely loathe…..
Why?
Because people are not robots…. Because it stifles conversation… because it puts fear in anyone going up to someone
All a wristband does is give an idea… it May Say you want a couple or a single… it doesn’t say I want you ! As a individual
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
If I want to play I am big enough and adult enough to come out and say it… and since I am an adult in an adult place, I’ll use those word! But if you are getting all that out of a “hello” … that not a me issue… that’s a you issue!!
I’d rather be known as a chatty gobshite than a silent lamb….
Thank you for sharing that with us/me....
I like the idea as an ice breaker and for the shy types to approach!
Just think out there in the club world, there are SOME who feel apprehensive to talk to any female.
I wasn't thinking of me I was thinking of those!"
It was general by the way… you just happen to be the person who brought it up!
I’ll happily have a conversation about wristbands but how does a wristband help as an icebreaker… if we are saying a hello is just a hello, and not to read anything into a hello, then would it matter what colour a wristband was
If you were at the bar, you would talk to the person next to you whilst waiting to be served, if you are in a smoking areas you might have a quick chat with other smokers
So how is a club in that premise any difference at that point?
Regardless of whether someone has a wristband or not.. at the end of the day you are still going to have to take a deep breath and say hello….. whether you happen to be shy or not, you eventually have to get the hello bit out of the way
We can have the conversation on whether a wristband helps or hinders.. are you chatting at first for the means of chatting… or are you using the chat as a means to an end of getting your leg over??
I believe that you get one chance to make a great first impression
If someone reacts negatively to a hello, that’s not a you issue, that’s a them issue … don’t let their issue put you off!
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"I make it a point to talk to anyone who seems up for a chat at clubs. Tho there has been times that I've chatted to a lady for most of the evening and got them in the mood and when we got to a room... Bam all of a sudden the room is filled with guys who were lurking and I'm literally kicked to the side as they all want a turn "
You may want to read this back to yourself as it sounds awful….. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The wristband idea I like...
The wristband idea is one I absolutely loathe…..
Why?
Because people are not robots…. Because it stifles conversation… because it puts fear in anyone going up to someone
All a wristband does is give an idea… it May Say you want a couple or a single… it doesn’t say I want you ! As a individual
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
If I want to play I am big enough and adult enough to come out and say it… and since I am an adult in an adult place, I’ll use those word! But if you are getting all that out of a “hello” … that not a me issue… that’s a you issue!!
I’d rather be known as a chatty gobshite than a silent lamb….
Thank you for sharing that with us/me....
I like the idea as an ice breaker and for the shy types to approach!
Just think out there in the club world, there are SOME who feel apprehensive to talk to any female.
I wasn't thinking of me I was thinking of those!
It was general by the way… you just happen to be the person who brought it up!
I’ll happily have a conversation about wristbands but how does a wristband help as an icebreaker… if we are saying a hello is just a hello, and not to read anything into a hello, then would it matter what colour a wristband was
If you were at the bar, you would talk to the person next to you whilst waiting to be served, if you are in a smoking areas you might have a quick chat with other smokers
So how is a club in that premise any difference at that point?
Regardless of whether someone has a wristband or not.. at the end of the day you are still going to have to take a deep breath and say hello….. whether you happen to be shy or not, you eventually have to get the hello bit out of the way
We can have the conversation on whether a wristband helps or hinders.. are you chatting at first for the means of chatting… or are you using the chat as a means to an end of getting your leg over??
I believe that you get one chance to make a great first impression
If someone reacts negatively to a hello, that’s not a you issue, that’s a them issue … don’t let their issue put you off!
"
Well you seem loud and proud, so you wouldn't need one.
As for bringing it up, there's a post before mine who actually brought it up - I was agreeing....
I frequent clubs, I know some men struggle to make conversation. I think having a wristband would give them the confidence to approach those who wish to connect in the same way!
I haven't read ALL your last post.
So I hope this answers any questions I haven't read!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happy to kick start a conversation but majority of the time couples don’t even give you eye contact.. so guess many guys apprehensive too approach., I know I have been."
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
Well you seem loud and proud, so you wouldn't need one.
As for bringing it up, there's a post before mine who actually brought it up - I was agreeing....
I frequent clubs, I know some men struggle to make conversation. I think having a wristband would give them the confidence to approach those who wish to connect in the same way!
I haven't read ALL your last post.
So I hope this answers any questions I haven't read! "
Funny enough wasn’t this loud and proud at the beginning….. it’s been a work on progress in all the time I’ve been in this, and that includes me going to socials and going to clubs…
You can hold peoples hands and advise people of the do’s and donts, but at some point the light bulb has to go on and people have to find their own individual style…
Are we nudging people or are we in effect spoon feeding them… at the end of the day were are engaging in adult activities with adult people, so at some point we are going to have to be an adult
at some point the rule of “basic common sense” has to kick in
I don’t think we are that far apart in intent… it’s application of how people get from A to B is how we differ |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"I make it a point to talk to anyone who seems up for a chat at clubs. Tho there has been times that I've chatted to a lady for most of the evening and got them in the mood and when we got to a room... Bam all of a sudden the room is filled with guys who were lurking and I'm literally kicked to the side as they all want a turn "
Which clubs are these that you are going that have guys hiding in rooms waiting to pounce. You need to find clubs with rules and lockable rooms |
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"The wristband idea I like...
The wristband idea is one I absolutely loathe…..
Why?
Because people are not robots…. Because it stifles conversation… because it puts fear in anyone going up to someone
All a wristband does is give an idea… it May Say you want a couple or a single… it doesn’t say I want you ! As a individual
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
If I want to play I am big enough and adult enough to come out and say it… and since I am an adult in an adult place, I’ll use those word! But if you are getting all that out of a “hello” … that not a me issue… that’s a you issue!!
I’d rather be known as a chatty gobshite than a silent lamb….
Thank you for sharing that with us/me....
I like the idea as an ice breaker and for the shy types to approach!
Just think out there in the club world, there are SOME who feel apprehensive to talk to any female.
I wasn't thinking of me I was thinking of those!
It was general by the way… you just happen to be the person who brought it up!
I’ll happily have a conversation about wristbands but how does a wristband help as an icebreaker… if we are saying a hello is just a hello, and not to read anything into a hello, then would it matter what colour a wristband was
If you were at the bar, you would talk to the person next to you whilst waiting to be served, if you are in a smoking areas you might have a quick chat with other smokers
So how is a club in that premise any difference at that point?
Regardless of whether someone has a wristband or not.. at the end of the day you are still going to have to take a deep breath and say hello….. whether you happen to be shy or not, you eventually have to get the hello bit out of the way
We can have the conversation on whether a wristband helps or hinders.. are you chatting at first for the means of chatting… or are you using the chat as a means to an end of getting your leg over??
I believe that you get one chance to make a great first impression
If someone reacts negatively to a hello, that’s not a you issue, that’s a them issue … don’t let their issue put you off!
"
I think the wristband idea is more aimed at those who don’t want to be approached by single guys mate. The club equivalent of ‘Not looking for single guys’ on a Fab profile |
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"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected.
Better to try and fail, then not try at all? They might get lucky if they just tried!! "
.
Be brave for 20 seconds # I bought a zoo |
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"It’s a balancing act … many single guys realise they have to make the effort to be sociable as couples or single ladies rarely say the first hello in my experience …. And as a previous poster said , you don’t want to appear pushy , and (very rarely) a couple might just be randomly rude if you say hello … so you tend to tread cautiously…"
No couple goes to a club to want to spend the evening undisturbed. They can do that at home. Go over say hi, hows your evening going. And take it from there. You will soon work out if the chemistry is there or not. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The wristband idea I like...
The wristband idea is one I absolutely loathe…..
Why?
Because people are not robots…. Because it stifles conversation… because it puts fear in anyone going up to someone
All a wristband does is give an idea… it May Say you want a couple or a single… it doesn’t say I want you ! As a individual
My general rule of thumb when it comes to conversation is this…. If I say hello.. it means hello!… nothing more, nothing less!
If I want to play I am big enough and adult enough to come out and say it… and since I am an adult in an adult place, I’ll use those word! But if you are getting all that out of a “hello” … that not a me issue… that’s a you issue!!
I’d rather be known as a chatty gobshite than a silent lamb….
Thank you for sharing that with us/me....
I like the idea as an ice breaker and for the shy types to approach!
Just think out there in the club world, there are SOME who feel apprehensive to talk to any female.
I wasn't thinking of me I was thinking of those!
It was general by the way… you just happen to be the person who brought it up!
I’ll happily have a conversation about wristbands but how does a wristband help as an icebreaker… if we are saying a hello is just a hello, and not to read anything into a hello, then would it matter what colour a wristband was
If you were at the bar, you would talk to the person next to you whilst waiting to be served, if you are in a smoking areas you might have a quick chat with other smokers
So how is a club in that premise any difference at that point?
Regardless of whether someone has a wristband or not.. at the end of the day you are still going to have to take a deep breath and say hello….. whether you happen to be shy or not, you eventually have to get the hello bit out of the way
We can have the conversation on whether a wristband helps or hinders.. are you chatting at first for the means of chatting… or are you using the chat as a means to an end of getting your leg over??
I believe that you get one chance to make a great first impression
If someone reacts negatively to a hello, that’s not a you issue, that’s a them issue … don’t let their issue put you off!
I think the wristband idea is more aimed at those who don’t want to be approached by single guys mate. The club equivalent of ‘Not looking for single guys’ on a Fab profile "
Lol
The plot thickens.....
I see now, why I haven't come across it in clubs I've been too.
Obviously a massive mistake seen as the guys pay the most to get in the club!
More victimisation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Well you seem loud and proud, so you wouldn't need one.
As for bringing it up, there's a post before mine who actually brought it up - I was agreeing....
I frequent clubs, I know some men struggle to make conversation. I think having a wristband would give them the confidence to approach those who wish to connect in the same way!
I haven't read ALL your last post.
So I hope this answers any questions I haven't read!
Funny enough wasn’t this loud and proud at the beginning….. it’s been a work on progress in all the time I’ve been in this, and that includes me going to socials and going to clubs…
You can hold peoples hands and advise people of the do’s and donts, but at some point the light bulb has to go on and people have to find their own individual style…
Are we nudging people or are we in effect spoon feeding them… at the end of the day were are engaging in adult activities with adult people, so at some point we are going to have to be an adult
at some point the rule of “basic common sense” has to kick in
I don’t think we are that far apart in intent… it’s application of how people get from A to B is how we differ "
You're still not getting the fact that some people (not just saying men) might have their own agenda, when they arrive. Not everybody wants to talk to anybody. Most are happy to voyuer.
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody! |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I'm one of the nervous shy people. I found it very difficult to approach people and even just say "hello". Part of going to the club was putting myself in a safe environment where I would have to. I did the work (it's still hard, but I still do it), and I have enjoyed the results.
I've ended up making some good friends there. Some are people who have no interest in playing with me, but that doesn't matter - there is a lot more to a club than sex. We have a good time talking, and I value that.
If I can do it, anyone can. The rest of the world shouldn't have to accommodate us if we won't even make the attempt ourselves. |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"
Well you seem loud and proud, so you wouldn't need one.
As for bringing it up, there's a post before mine who actually brought it up - I was agreeing....
I frequent clubs, I know some men struggle to make conversation. I think having a wristband would give them the confidence to approach those who wish to connect in the same way!
I haven't read ALL your last post.
So I hope this answers any questions I haven't read!
Funny enough wasn’t this loud and proud at the beginning….. it’s been a work on progress in all the time I’ve been in this, and that includes me going to socials and going to clubs…
You can hold peoples hands and advise people of the do’s and donts, but at some point the light bulb has to go on and people have to find their own individual style…
Are we nudging people or are we in effect spoon feeding them… at the end of the day were are engaging in adult activities with adult people, so at some point we are going to have to be an adult
at some point the rule of “basic common sense” has to kick in
I don’t think we are that far apart in intent… it’s application of how people get from A to B is how we differ "
And what I’m going to say; I’ve never met you, but I know you by reputation because you’re local. Your reputation is not for being “loud and proud”, it’s for being an unassuming, decent bloke, one who makes time to talk to people and is a perfect gentleman. Never heard anyone say a bad thing about you. Same for DJohn.
I’m pretty frustrated that the two of you are sharing stories of how you make swinging work as single men, and you’re both really fucking good at it. And other people are dismissing your advice and success stories and acting like they couldn’t do it too. Thanks for trying, though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nervous issues, people suffering with anxiety, wanting to connect in clubs, but have been rejected so many times, the confidence has been knocked out of them.
Yeah I understand that folk would feel this way in clubs.
Like I said earlier, it's not a competition between sexes.
People with more confidence should just approach, make a comment!
I'm still not understanding the big deal about that! Only strikes me as pushing those who struggle, further away!
I've noticed females in couples and singles suffer with what I call club stage fright too!
I observe, you can see it a mile off!
Next club I go to, I'll make more of an effort - this thread has given me the heads up about that!
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We try to engage in conversation with everyone but mainly single guys and if it brought to our attention that they are new to the party or club scene we will always try to introduce them to others , most come out of their shells once they are introduced and have a great time.
Then you have the other type of guy who just because he has payed to get in thinks it's his right to have sex but thankfully they are in the minority .
So our advice to everyone guys, ladies and couples don't be wall flowers open your mouths and join in with the banter that will get you far more results both socially and if your lucky enough a bit of playtime |
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"
Well you seem loud and proud, so you wouldn't need one.
As for bringing it up, there's a post before mine who actually brought it up - I was agreeing....
I frequent clubs, I know some men struggle to make conversation. I think having a wristband would give them the confidence to approach those who wish to connect in the same way!
I haven't read ALL your last post.
So I hope this answers any questions I haven't read!
Funny enough wasn’t this loud and proud at the beginning….. it’s been a work on progress in all the time I’ve been in this, and that includes me going to socials and going to clubs…
You can hold peoples hands and advise people of the do’s and donts, but at some point the light bulb has to go on and people have to find their own individual style…
Are we nudging people or are we in effect spoon feeding them… at the end of the day were are engaging in adult activities with adult people, so at some point we are going to have to be an adult
at some point the rule of “basic common sense” has to kick in
I don’t think we are that far apart in intent… it’s application of how people get from A to B is how we differ
You're still not getting the fact that some people (not just saying men) might have their own agenda, when they arrive. Not everybody wants to talk to anybody. Most are happy to voyuer.
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!"
I agree being anywhere in any social setting is daunting never mind a club! Some people I say some, can be rude and I’m not just in about the blokes either  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
You're still not getting the fact that some people (not just saying men) might have their own agenda, when they arrive. Not everybody wants to talk to anybody. Most are happy to voyuer.
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!"
Actually…. Where I thought we were having a dialogue and a conversation.. now I think you are just being plain rude
Where we probably “differ” is that you want to sugar coat the realities.. and me, I’d rather be real and straight…. You want to say “you go champ!” I’ll leave to you… heck if people see you as good cop and me as bad cop then fine… I thought we were rowing the same way, just how we got there was different!
Actually I do sympathise with people and there first time going to a club, we were all new once! You are saying clubs are daunting places for some people… well so would going to a new pub, or a hospital or a dentist or going on a first date… and yet people manage to work thru those situations!
Are any of those examples that much different… no, and we all end up saying it’s a mindset thing!
Go with an open mind and no expectations!!!
So… again… let’s be real, clubs are not going to be for everyone, I think people need to be pragmatic about that! I’d rather people give it a go at least once before coming to that conclusion
Do you really get to know people without talking to them… nope! You can lead people part of the way.. but their are still bit’s people need to work out for themselves… the lightbulb moments!
If people have their own agendas going to clubs… that’s on them! But there is one thing you can control… and that is you!!!
You know you… you know your best selling points, only you know how to put your best foot forward!
That is the point I am trying to press across
You are your own salesperson… and if you happen to be shy, if that “lightbulb moment” is …. Hmm I’ll go and say hello… it’s a good start |
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By *redy81Man
over a year ago
London |
"I make it a point to talk to anyone who seems up for a chat at clubs. Tho there has been times that I've chatted to a lady for most of the evening and got them in the mood and when we got to a room... Bam all of a sudden the room is filled with guys who were lurking and I'm literally kicked to the side as they all want a turn
You may want to read this back to yourself as it sounds awful….."
Yes, that's an awful situation, but sometimes happen and it's hard to act the right way if you are the single guy who joined the couple.
Picture this scenario: as a single guy, you get involved in a chat with a couple which leads to an invitation to join them playing. A private room is not available/the couple prefers an open place. At the very moment when a couple plays with a single man in a public area, some other single men take it as a call: "okay, so they are up for it, let's try!"
They may only hang around watching the action... One step closer every minute... As the third in the game, the single guy, what should I do? The man from the couple, or the girl could tell them to keep distance, but if I do, it will come across that Im jealous. They may even want one or two more men.
And one of the new men might ask the girl if he can join. If the answer is yes, that's another green light for more men, and that particular one is now officially part of the game. He will be nice and polite to the girl and her real-life partner, but I had some bad experiences that some guys in this situation will try to put you on the side-line unless you protect your position... I know, it sounds awful, and IMO it's very rude to act like this but some guys do it.
And you got yourself again in a complicated situation. At another time, I would say something and put that twat to his place, but even if I'm right, that will ruin the experience of the girl if I do it now. Also, she may be doesn't even notice those dirty little tricks that the other man does. (Like making your space in a corner kick at football..) If you act to stop them or say something "what's wrong with you, man?!" - you can come out as the bad man from the situation...
Luckily not often, but sometimes does happen and you have to be clever about how to handle it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Well you seem loud and proud, so you wouldn't need one.
As for bringing it up, there's a post before mine who actually brought it up - I was agreeing....
I frequent clubs, I know some men struggle to make conversation. I think having a wristband would give them the confidence to approach those who wish to connect in the same way!
I haven't read ALL your last post.
So I hope this answers any questions I haven't read!
Funny enough wasn’t this loud and proud at the beginning….. it’s been a work on progress in all the time I’ve been in this, and that includes me going to socials and going to clubs…
You can hold peoples hands and advise people of the do’s and donts, but at some point the light bulb has to go on and people have to find their own individual style…
Are we nudging people or are we in effect spoon feeding them… at the end of the day were are engaging in adult activities with adult people, so at some point we are going to have to be an adult
at some point the rule of “basic common sense” has to kick in
I don’t think we are that far apart in intent… it’s application of how people get from A to B is how we differ
You're still not getting the fact that some people (not just saying men) might have their own agenda, when they arrive. Not everybody wants to talk to anybody. Most are happy to voyuer.
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!
I agree being anywhere in any social setting is daunting never mind a club! Some people I say some, can be rude and I’m not just in about the blokes either "
I hope that doesn't put you off and you keep going.
I spoke briefly to a guy in DM recently, said to him, sorry but he wasn't my type and I wished him well! He re-read my profile and messaged again over what he saw at the footer of my page.
I've now decided to help him out and get him over the club threshold (no commitment to him or pressure to play)
Point I'm making - I can't help but think, why would I want someone to feel uncomfortable like it was for myself, going to a place on my own. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It's the same with waiting for others to talk to me (in my opinion) Why am I not considering it could be uncomfortable for those who are inexperienced at clubs. I wouldn't want any person to feel that way.
Even if I've never spoke to them before, I'm still compassionate to how they must be feeling.
Suppose deep down - seeing someone struggle, I'm just not hard faced enough to ignore it!
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We are going to a club for the first time soon and I must say some of the advice on here is really helpful. Hopefully the single guys don't feel anxious about approaching us there but I can see why it would be daunting |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!"
I think there is a great Chinese proverb to describe how we differ on this:
“Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life!”
At the moment I think one of us is “giving” (albeit unintentionally) and some of us are (not just me.. take Djohn for example) trying to teach..
You are taking umbrage at the style of teaching…. I would say if it changes someone mindset it helped! |
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From another couple’s perspective, we aren’t looking for single guys so prefer it if they keep themselves to themselves.
Don’t get me wrong - we aren’t rude; we will humour them with any small small talk they’ve engaged for a minute or two but then we will make our excuses to go somewhere else or close the conversation politely. That should (we hope) make it clear that we aren’t interested.
There’s no right or wrong answer for the single men but I imagine many of them will wait and be courteous so as to give couples like yourselves space. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single guy I always try and start a polite chat with ladies and couples. Unfortunately most just say no thanks or simply ignore me. So I just get a drink and sit down hoping to be approached myself |
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"We are going to a club for the first time soon and I must say some of the advice on here is really helpful. Hopefully the single guys don't feel anxious about approaching us there but I can see why it would be daunting"
A smile is all any guy needs |
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"We are going to a club for the first time soon and I must say some of the advice on here is really helpful. Hopefully the single guys don't feel anxious about approaching us there but I can see why it would be daunting
A smile is all any guy needs "
Certainly hope so as being out first time there may be a bit of nervous excitement on our part so could probably do with being approached first |
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"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected."
As a single guy I 100% agree
Most of us don’t know what we are doing 90% of the time and the sign would need to not be discrete lol |
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"We are going to a club for the first time soon and I must say some of the advice on here is really helpful. Hopefully the single guys don't feel anxious about approaching us there but I can see why it would be daunting
A smile is all any guy needs
Certainly hope so as being out first time there may be a bit of nervous excitement on our part so could probably do with being approached first "
I’ve only been to Club f in the North East, but like any club, newbie couples are always well received, and other couples will, I’m sure, be only too happy to make you feel welcome. Just go with the intention of an ‘alternative’ night out, and to check the place out, whichever club you choose  |
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"Rejection is a normal occurence on human beings life. I am very chatty and talk to anyone and have no problem in approaching couples to talk.
If the reception is negative or bordering rudness, I say thank you and move away no harm done.
Why on hell I will be reflecting or trying to understand this type of behaviour? Their choice. Perhaps, some single men do not grasp the swinging concept or the fact that clubs are not a way to sort their sex life. I always say as a newbie if you are not confident, very shy and feel odd approaching couples (yes couples, single women are rare), I am not sure if a club is the right place as it can turn into an unpleasant experience.
On my humble opinion before going to a club try socials as in general the vibe is more relaxed and sex is not under the radar."
I think this is pretty solid advice.
I think a huge part of the lifestyle is being able to handle rejection. If you can't handle it, you'll struggle.
A minority of people will be rude, most won't. You gotta just roll with that.
But I totally understand how daunting it is going to a club alone. People often equate it to going to a pub, which I get but its not the same. Name a time you'd walk into a random pub and try strike up conversation with people you've never spoken to before.
Single people with the gift of the gab usually will do better in social settings. I'm slightly reversed, social but not the life and soul and at times it is sobering when your stood in a room of a 100+ people and realise you don't know anymore.
But I also enjoy talking and getting to know people who are like minded and interesting. It can be GREAT fun.
I always prefer to go to a club where I know maybe a couple or a single going, so I have someone to bounce off mainly because its more comfortable on the whole.
I'd also agree, if you are cripplingly shy or have a nervous/awkward demeanour, try and build your confidence before you go. |
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"
But I totally understand how daunting it is going to a club alone. People often equate it to going to a pub, which I get but its not the same. Name a time you'd walk into a random pub and try strike up conversation with people you've never spoken to before.
"
Well that's easy mate; I travel all over the North/NW/NE with rugby, and find it very easy to chat with complete strangers on a touchline, or in the clubhouse, before, during and after a game, regardless of which side they're supporting But a single guy in a rugby club bar, is a world away from being a single guy in a swingers' club and their cliques! I totally agree with you, about not going in 'cold', by yourself, for the first visit, if you can avoid it. Club hosts could definitely do more to help strangers by themselves for sure |
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"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected."
,
I'm not chatting as new and not such what we can and cannot do ,as been told that ladly do not like to many single males there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As a single guy I always try and start a polite chat with ladies and couples. Unfortunately most just say no thanks or simply ignore me. So I just get a drink and sit down hoping to be approached myself "
You certainly do approach and chat and I for one, was totally grateful. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been to a few clubs in the UK and abroad and will talk to most people men and women if they are approachable as I love to chat however I go with the expectation of not playing as to me that's a bonus.
Everyone is different best to be nice and polite and chat |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"From another couple’s perspective, we aren’t looking for single guys so prefer it if they keep themselves to themselves.
Don’t get me wrong - we aren’t rude; we will humour them with any small small talk they’ve engaged for a minute or two but then we will make our excuses to go somewhere else or close the conversation politely. That should (we hope) make it clear that we aren’t interested.
There’s no right or wrong answer for the single men but I imagine many of them will wait and be courteous so as to give couples like yourselves space. "
Actually this is where I sit. So most couples will wait and see and see if they are in to single guys. Now that could be that I recognise from profile or it could be I have picked up on from how they have played either previously.
If I am unsure I will still say hello and smile in club. Actually I know a number of non single male couples in clubs. I will still say hello and talk to them. Why as politeness goes a long way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!
I think there is a great Chinese proverb to describe how we differ on this:
“Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life!”
At the moment I think one of us is “giving” (albeit unintentionally) and some of us are (not just me.. take Djohn for example) trying to teach..
You are taking umbrage at the style of teaching…. I would say if it changes someone mindset it helped!"
No I'm taking umbrage at your lack of compassion.
I don't need Chinese proverbs neither. Try the direct approach when talking to some on here!
Know your audience and speak in the appropriate manner.
Hope that helps
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We where both singles on the scene before we met and could go into depths on all sorts of points from both sides. We're not anti single male he was one once apon a time but boy you lads have to think about how you act both online or in a club. The prowling and zombie just don't wash and it's really not necessary.
No wonder couple only nights, couple only areas and private rooms are so popular people don't want to feel intimidated to get sexy and play.
It's really not particularly difficult at all, remember first impressions count so just smile, say hi, nod and be open without expectation, don't be creepy or pushy just like you would behave in any public place. Be your self, put priority of play on the back burner and keep it relaxed by not thinking with your pants.
The way you behave creates the response you receive and the atmosphere of the room. you will find most people are willing to talk but maybe not straight off, even if they are not looking for a single guy most will chat and be polite.
We all have the same issues and problems F/MF & M when it comes to breaking the ice and let's be honest some people will not be attracted to you or be looking for something other than what you are it's how you approach and carry your self.
Generally no matter what people will chat, be friendly and civil if you if you approach the matter with respect in a friendly fashion.
It will be what you make it
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By *yphodMan
over a year ago
London |
Just be a gentleman. Was at Rio's on Saturday and one girl was getting unwanted attention and she clearly felt uncomfortable.
So I said hello and quietly asked if she was ok and said if the other guy keeps hassling her come and join me in the hot tub with no expectations from my side to put him off.
We ended up in a okay room together |
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By *oungJayyMan
over a year ago
Newcastle Upon Tyne |
"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected."
You've hit the nail on the head with this one
It is simply that we hate being rejected as often as we do, everytime a single guy gets rejected, it makes him feel like that's why they're single, and loses them a little confidence
Certainly give them a signal or if you want to play with them, talk to them they just may be shy of they're alone at a club |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"Sounds like they're waiting for the lady to approach first.
Maybe give them some sort of sign it's ok to chat.
Lots of fellas don't want to offend or feel rejected.
You've hit the nail on the head with this one
It is simply that we hate being rejected as often as we do, everytime a single guy gets rejected, it makes him feel like that's why they're single, and loses them a little confidence
Certainly give them a signal or if you want to play with them, talk to them they just may be shy of they're alone at a club "
I just need to clarify something. I swing solo as well as with a partner. I’ll talk to everyone. You’re all potential friends. I will not know if I want to play with you until I have spoken to you and got to know you a little.
Smoking area is great for this. So is the hot tub. There is some fantastic advice upthread from people who have walked into swingers clubs as nervous newbies and ended up a lot more confident in themselves.
It’s all about the chats and bangs. If you can’t chat to me in the bar (realistically, the smoking area) maybe don’t try for bangs in the playroom. Build your friendships slowly, over time. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!
I think there is a great Chinese proverb to describe how we differ on this:
“Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life!”
At the moment I think one of us is “giving” (albeit unintentionally) and some of us are (not just me.. take Djohn for example) trying to teach..
You are taking umbrage at the style of teaching…. I would say if it changes someone mindset it helped!
No I'm taking umbrage at your lack of compassion.
I don't need Chinese proverbs neither. Try the direct approach when talking to some on here!
Know your audience and speak in the appropriate manner.
Hope that helps
"
Rude…. In one ear, out of the other… and unwilling to listen to an opinion that disagree with yours!!
I’m done with this thread…. Hopefully I lit a few “lightbulb moments” for those who were who didn’t want to hear the same thing … |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The thing we differ on, is your unsympathetic thoughts on nervous, shy people in this world, and how you've been so patronising in using the wording of 'adults' and 'spoon feeding'...
If there is a method to help people to connect, I'm all for it!
The club is a daunting place when you go alone and you know nobody!
I think there is a great Chinese proverb to describe how we differ on this:
“Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish, you feed him for life!”
At the moment I think one of us is “giving” (albeit unintentionally) and some of us are (not just me.. take Djohn for example) trying to teach..
You are taking umbrage at the style of teaching…. I would say if it changes someone mindset it helped!
No I'm taking umbrage at your lack of compassion.
I don't need Chinese proverbs neither. Try the direct approach when talking to some on here!
Know your audience and speak in the appropriate manner.
Hope that helps
Rude…. In one ear, out of the other… and unwilling to listen to an opinion that disagree with yours!!
I’m done with this thread…. Hopefully I lit a few “lightbulb moments” for those who were who didn’t want to hear the same thing … "
Not Guilty In Defence Of The Modern Man by David Thomas....made me rethink how my trail of thoughts were towards men! I'm glad I asked a lady from the forums about it.....
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This has been a really interesting debate over the last week or so! Single men, I will pledge to continue to be polite and chatty and make you feel comfortable but also ensure that there are no crossed wires. To help and support guys on their own and to try and integrate them with other singles and couples! If we see anyone out and about then let’s strike up a conversation as we are human beings and it’s good to talk! |
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