FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Different Attitudes At Clubs.
Different Attitudes At Clubs.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Here's an observation and experiences from different clubs and the different attitudes from people in the same situations.
When my wife goes for a vape in a smoking area or outside at clubs, I go for a wander around the clubs to see what is happening as I don't smoke.
On different occasions I have seen people playing with doors either open or partially open (the top half of the door) which usually means its an invitation to watch.
Being the gentleman I am, I take up the invitiation to view them from a diatance.
Now, here is the thing.
Most don't mind me watching or the others stood there too.
But, on a few occasions, the couple playing have looked and almost sneered at the people watching and on the occasions I've been stood there alone, they look at you like shit, as if you're not worthy of looking at them.
Now, seeing as I'm not their cup o' tea, I politely move on.
But here's the thing. The same people who were looking at you like crap, walk into the social area/bar and see that you are actually a couple and then they give you the smiles and 'hey! Look at us' routine.
What do you do?
Do you make eyes back at them and be hypocritical?
Do you give them the treatment they gave you?
We usually be polite, nod and theb move away from them.
If one of us isn't good enough, then why should we pander to them.
Am I, or are we as a couple, in tje wrong for reacting that way? |
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I don’t think your wrong if they are purposely rude, unfriendly or nasty.
Who’d want to play with people like that anyway!!
But if their interest changes based on the fact your in a couple and not a single man that wouldn’t bother me  x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t think your wrong if they are purposely rude, unfriendly or nasty.
Who’d want to play with people like that anyway!!
But if their interest changes based on the fact your in a couple and not a single man that wouldn’t bother me x"
You'd be surprised how people treat you if they think you're single. |
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"I don’t think your wrong if they are purposely rude, unfriendly or nasty.
Who’d want to play with people like that anyway!!
But if their interest changes based on the fact your in a couple and not a single man that wouldn’t bother me x
You'd be surprised how people treat you if they think you're single."
I only meet and play with single men in clubs so I’d like to think I’m an exception |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t think your wrong if they are purposely rude, unfriendly or nasty.
Who’d want to play with people like that anyway!!
But if their interest changes based on the fact your in a couple and not a single man that wouldn’t bother me x
You'd be surprised how people treat you if they think you're single.
I only meet and play with single men in clubs so I’d like to think I’m an exception "
Its only a minority that behave this way. The majority of the people are lovely |
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Not worth wasting your time on people like that.
Don't know if you've seen us at The Attic, but when we leave the top door open, it's an invitation to watch. When people speak to us, we sometimes invite them in too!
There are those who strut around clubs thinking they're better than the rest of us, but it's best to simply ignore them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not worth wasting your time on people like that.
Don't know if you've seen us at The Attic, but when we leave the top door open, it's an invitation to watch. When people speak to us, we sometimes invite them in too!
There are those who strut around clubs thinking they're better than the rest of us, but it's best to simply ignore them. "
Which is how it usually goes at clubs.
I understand some people get shy or stagefright so they close the door, which is their choice, but some lack the courtesy and manners needed in this lifestyle. |
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"But here's the thing. The same people who were looking at you like crap, walk into the social area/bar and see that you are actually a couple and then they give you the smiles and 'hey! Look at us' routine.
What do you do?"
Sadly, it happens all the time. I've been to the same club on a Friday night on my own and experienced people looking straight through me as if I'm not there, and then on the following Saturday when I was there with a lady, the same people wanted to be our new best friends. Or rather my partners new best friend, as from the experience from the night before, I obviously didn't matter to them.
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In our experience people have been lovely. M has been to Clubs on his own and found that despite not playing, he smiles and talks to people all the time. When we go together it is much the same, although we do find single guys often seem to hold back from just coming over and saying hi.
Smiling is very sexy  |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I have seen this before in a club. For me I will talk to anyone be it males, couples, females. It doesn’t mean I want to fuck you.
It could be we are talking about the weather, why I don’t sound like I am from the north west, the difference between a barm cake, and a roll. If the conversation goes flirtatious then maybe I might ask do they fancy going to a room |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In our experience people have been lovely. M has been to Clubs on his own and found that despite not playing, he smiles and talks to people all the time. When we go together it is much the same, although we do find single guys often seem to hold back from just coming over and saying hi.
Smiling is very sexy "
I am very friendly and sociable at clubs. I always say hello, smile and engage in conversations where and when required.
I'll admit I'm no George Clooney or Adonis and I'm definitely not part of the beautiful brigade, but I do have common courtesy and love to make people giggle.
It just seems it can be a case of, of your face doesn't fit, kind of thing, when you're on your own, but if your female partner is there, their attitude changes and you're suddenly acceptable (or they're taking one for the team) lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the replies, gents.
It seems its a common occurance with some people.
Its surprising what a simple hello and acknowledgement can do and mean to someone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to a club with a female friend in Blackpool on Friday. We’d never been before and our intention was just to look around (yeah, right!).
We ended up in the couples room embroiled in a lovely FFFM. Soon a huge crowd gathered at the window. At first it was quite shocking to me but it soon became very exciting! I thought that was one of the best things!! People can be rude, give them a swerve and move on  |
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It's surprising how some couples will act in a club.
We were standing at the bar at one club. when a couple who had been strutting about full of themselves, came and started chatting to the Mrs and worked their way between us, so their backs were to me, fully shutting me out of the chat. It was obvious they wanted to play with the Mrs but not me.
They were shocked when the Mrs told them we only play together,and stormed off calling us timewasters. |
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By *g1979Man
over a year ago
bexley |
Couples can be just as off putting.
Went to a play room with my partner saturday night, room was empty. We began to play and another couple came in and started playing right beside us. The guy made my partner feel uncomfortable so we left.
Hour later we go back to the empty play room and the same couple follow us straight in and plot down right beside . Again we leave.
For the third time we go in and the same couple do the exact same thing. I had to ask the guy did he not get the hint.
I understand its a public playroom but you don't need to keep coming and plotting yourself up directly beside us 3 times when we made it quite clear we don't want to play with you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If this is on a couples night then it's not accepted for males to wander on own in clubs we frequent, just a thought  "
The occurances were on nights where single men, women and couples were permitted in the clubs. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Couples can be just as off putting.
Went to a play room with my partner saturday night, room was empty. We began to play and another couple came in and started playing right beside us. The guy made my partner feel uncomfortable so we left.
Hour later we go back to the empty play room and the same couple follow us straight in and plot down right beside . Again we leave.
For the third time we go in and the same couple do the exact same thing. I had to ask the guy did he not get the hint.
I understand its a public playroom but you don't need to keep coming and plotting yourself up directly beside us 3 times when we made it quite clear we don't want to play with you."
We have had similar things happen too.
Simple communication, no thank you, can help.
I think the different levels of experiences in swinging couples can sometimes be a factor.
If someone is a newbie, the whole scene can be hard work finding what you want and feeling comfortable.
If someone has been doing it years, the little things like beginners nerves and uncertainty can be overlooked when a more experienced couple enter into a situation of playing.
Communication is key. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just as an aside.
We've never had two evenings the same in the eight years we have been going to clubs.
There's always been little differences and atmospheres. |
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I think in slight defence some couples can become a little jaded with single men. They have become tired of the behaviour of a few that has made them instantly defensive in the presence of other single guys. And naturally if its couples not single guys their after they may not want to be too welcoming because with some guys you need to be very blatant and blunt with until they get the message. Not an excuse as such for being horrible but some people are like that for a reason.
Personally we only want to be with people where the attraction is mutual, not because one of us is female. So I guess in the same shoes as you we'd want to establish why the change of attitude? Are they interested in both of us or just because Mrs Misfit is smoking hot. Do they have a general stinking attitude or was the previous reaction a side effect of previous negative experiences? And of course are we both interested in them? Chances are their attitudes earlier would be massively off putting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's surprising how some couples will act in a club.
We were standing at the bar at one club. when a couple who had been strutting about full of themselves, came and started chatting to the Mrs and worked their way between us, so their backs were to me, fully shutting me out of the chat. It was obvious they wanted to play with the Mrs but not me.
They were shocked when the Mrs told them we only play together,and stormed off calling us timewasters. "
That happens a lot.
It makes you ask yourself, am I that ugly, or am I punching above my weight?  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think in slight defence some couples can become a little jaded with single men. They have become tired of the behaviour of a few that has made them instantly defensive in the presence of other single guys. And naturally if its couples not single guys their after they may not want to be too welcoming because with some guys you need to be very blatant and blunt with until they get the message. Not an excuse as such for being horrible but some people are like that for a reason.
Personally we only want to be with people where the attraction is mutual, not because one of us is female. So I guess in the same shoes as you we'd want to establish why the change of attitude? Are they interested in both of us or just because Mrs Misfit is smoking hot. Do they have a general stinking attitude or was the previous reaction a side effect of previous negative experiences? And of course are we both interested in them? Chances are their attitudes earlier would be massively off putting. "
Very well explained and I agree.
Previous negative experiences can make people more defensive with future situations and bring forth a no nonsense attitude when confronted with the minority of the unruly behaviour of others.
That said, a polite, no thank you, give us some space, is usually enough to ward of some people. |
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We’ve never really had an issue of either of us being snubbed by people, however have had some rather presumptive couples deciding that as we are in a club we are there to play with them.
We’re always polite and treat people how we would anywhere else, but can get a little uncomfortable when people we are really not attracted too feel
some entitlement because we said hello back.
As for weird experiences, our favourite is when I was riding Mr in a club in Amsterdam, and a guy moved in and sat next to us, which is fine. Didn’t really do anything for a while and then just randomly patted Mr on the head a couple of times and then walked off. We still haven’t worked that one out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We’ve never really had an issue of either of us being snubbed by people, however have had some rather presumptive couples deciding that as we are in a club we are there to play with them.
We’re always polite and treat people how we would anywhere else, but can get a little uncomfortable when people we are really not attracted too feel
some entitlement because we said hello back.
As for weird experiences, our favourite is when I was riding Mr in a club in Amsterdam, and a guy moved in and sat next to us, which is fine. Didn’t really do anything for a while and then just randomly patted Mr on the head a couple of times and then walked off. We still haven’t worked that one out. "
That was certainly a strange one.
Oh the stories we could tell! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have the problem the other way around than the OP; I get approached much more by myself than when in a couple. But I think that’s because I’m more open and actively looking than when I have a partner with me. As quite a big guy, I think unless I’m smiling and being proactive I can be a little intimidating so people don’t approach. |
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By *wifterMan
over a year ago
lancaster |
There are a lot of rude and unpleasant people both on Fabs and at clubs, a lot of them with their own rules about who they will and wont talk to eg single/married/old/young. If you are prepared to be patient you can find pleasant people. However there are also a lot of rude, pushy, demanding single men and I can understand why some couples get fed up of being pursued and intimidated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If this is on a couples night then it's not accepted for males to wander on own in clubs we frequent, just a thought "
So what they should be shackled to their partner the whole time they are there?...
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By *onyMad123Couple
over a year ago
nottingham/ derby |
We play in public areas and half doors but are often to distracted to know what we look like to watchers, the fact your allowed to watch, watch and enjoy or walk away, what's happening in my face is the least of my worries, if I then go for a drink and say hello chances are im a lil more focused and normal lol nit off my tits on orgasm lol  |
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There are a lot od rude people on here and clubs as said, normaly good looking couples are worse looking down their noses at people, once people suss them out they end up leaving with out having any fun, this life we live is to have fun and enjoy the life we have and have fun with others, once you take your self to seriously the fun is over,
So to the op above, dont let it worry you, just laugh at rude people and walk away, x |
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By *eb77Man
over a year ago
Bedfordshire |
"If this is on a couples night then it's not accepted for males to wander on own in clubs we frequent, just a thought
So what they should be shackled to their partner the whole time they are there?...
"
That’s on a different night  |
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"Thanks for the replies, gents.
It seems its a common occurance with some people.
Its surprising what a simple hello and acknowledgement can do and mean to someone."
It’s a very common occurrence mate, I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and received the same cold reception in most of them. I’ve also been with a female friend on three occasions, and can confirm more people approached me as part of a couple. I won’t go to another club as a solo guy unless I have a pre-arranged meet inside  |
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