FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Club Discussion > Are clubs cliquey?
Are clubs cliquey?
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"It depends on which club you attend. All the ones we have attended no. As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes. " This! I’ve (miss) been to one particular one and felt like nobody wanted to speak and I’m the most sociable little being ever but all the others have been great! I’d deffo encourage you to give it a go though x | |||
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"I often think cliques are mis-interpreted. Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there. Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers. Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means." ^^^^ this There are lots of reasons why clubs can appear a bit cliquey, pre Covid a lot of people didn’t go out that often so when they have pre arranged to meet others at a club their time can be a bit precious. It’s not usually an attempt to exclude new faces, we certainly make an effort to introduce ourselves properly to newbies and some of them become firm friends. | |||
"It depends on which club you attend. All the ones we have attended no. As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes. " 
Fresh meat  what for the lions? | |||
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"It depends on which club you attend. All the ones we have attended no. As new people (fresh meat) you are welcomed and shown the ropes.
Fresh meat what for the lions? "I’m guilty of calling out “fresh meat” when I show new people round actually it breaks the ice, they laugh and realise they had nothing to worry about | |||
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"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? " I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go | |||
"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go "A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more. And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd. | |||
"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go
A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.
And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd."An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc | |||
"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go
A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.
And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.
An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc "I was trying to be encouraging for the OP lol! Although, from my experience of being a solo guy in clubs, that first hour is the most important to get any kind of connections made. You read people’s body language, see if anyone smiles in your direction, holds your gaze etc, look for that welcoming ‘opening’, because once playtime starts, the solo guys are soon forgotten about. It’s rare for me to be in a club longer than two hours/after midnight | |||
"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go
A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.
And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.
An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc
I was trying to be encouraging for the OP lol! Although, from my experience of being a solo guy in clubs, that first hour is the most important to get any kind of connections made. You read people’s body language, see if anyone smiles in your direction, holds your gaze etc, look for that welcoming ‘opening’, because once playtime starts, the solo guys are soon forgotten about. It’s rare for me to be in a club longer than two hours/after midnight "Then I question your commitment lol. Even as a couple we will often stay until chucking out time, even if just to drink and chat. When things reopen just give it a go once, you might be surprised at what goes on at 3am in a club. | |||
"Ive thought about going but.. been told that they can be cliquey and any newcomers may be cold shouldered... Not sexually excluded but socially excluded too. Thoughts? I’ve been to several clubs as a solo guy, and while ‘cliquey’ may not be the correct term, it does accurately describe what happens inside. In reality, as others have said, what you will experience is groups of friends hanging out together. Some will be week in, week out regulars, others will be people who have prearranged meet-ups inside. I’m not going to sugarcoat this; going in cold, as a solo guy, who knows nobody inside, can be hard work. You WILL experience cold shouldering. You WILL meet people not interested in solo guys. But you CAN have an enjoyable experience, it all depends WHO is in while you are. Give it an hour. You’ll get a feel for the place within an hour, and how the evening is likely to go
A lot depends on a guys attitude as well. Sit at the bar, not interact, just float around watching... Then they moan that they're not getting anywhere and say it's cliquey as an excuse. Whereas the chatty, respectful and cheerful will usually enjoy themselves a lot more.
And an hour is a bit quick IMO. Sometimes things take a lot longer to warm up, depends on the venue and crowd.
An hour? Blimey that’s no time at all. Spend that first hour preening yourself, getting a drink etc
I was trying to be encouraging for the OP lol! Although, from my experience of being a solo guy in clubs, that first hour is the most important to get any kind of connections made. You read people’s body language, see if anyone smiles in your direction, holds your gaze etc, look for that welcoming ‘opening’, because once playtime starts, the solo guys are soon forgotten about. It’s rare for me to be in a club longer than two hours/after midnight
Then I question your commitment lol. Even as a couple we will often stay until chucking out time, even if just to drink and chat. When things reopen just give it a go once, you might be surprised at what goes on at 3am in a club. "15 visits spread over 6 different clubs was a fair commitment lol? I have two clubs I haven’t been to in mind for when they’re allowed to open, so we’ll see. I have no expectations! 3am in a club? That would definitely be a first! | |||
I'd say 2/3 hours or leaving by midnight says you're just after a quick fix. Nothing wrong with that, but I always found the guys who do well longer term are the ones who stay around and get chatting later, maybe even after a couple has played. Shows a genuine interest, and perhaps the first playtime was just a warm-up.... | |||
"3am in a club is usually fun
I'd say 2/3 hours or leaving by midnight says you're just after a quick fix. Nothing wrong with that, but I always found the guys who do well longer term are the ones who stay around and get chatting later, maybe even after a couple has played. Shows a genuine interest, and perhaps the first playtime was just a warm-up...."I'm not short of a 'fix', quick, slow, or anything inbetween Because of my location, for me to visit any club, it's an event; I once drove the 210 mile round trip down to Townhouse, to experience a packed party night, so I don't do this on a whim. I just thought the club scene would add an extra dimension to this fun side of life, after reading all the amazing stories in the forum, and surfing the club reviews. I just wasn't prepared for the anti-solo guys sentiment I've experienced, and find myself feeling like I'm intruding on other people's fun. I will point out, that I have also done 3 visits with a friend as a 'couple', and noticed a marked difference to how people responded to me, as the male half of a couple, to the same me, as a solo guy. This is why I would never recommend the club scene to a mate | |||
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"I often think cliques are mis-interpreted. Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there. Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers. Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means." I was about to reply but I'll just second this instead. I think it often feels like that if you're by yourself but it's more likely just the case they're chatting to friends or people they're interested, bit like if you walked into an unfamiliar pub by yourself | |||
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"Love reading these statements about clubs and cliques or which is the best club, don’t keep blaming the crowds who already attend, no doubt they felt the same, just go enjoy and talk you have to make an effort, can’t expect everyone to chat m running, after all they already have play mates, Best club No club is the best club, it the people who use the club and that make it a good atmosphere " Absolutely agree. The club is as good as the people who use it. If you go in and make the effort to mingle then I'm afraid you only get out of the experience what you put in. I've been to a few clubs and I've made some amazing friends who will be friends for life. Clubbing isnt for everyone but its a great place to be who you want to be without judgements | |||
"I often think cliques are mis-interpreted. Some couples arrange to meet others in a club as "neutral ground", so they may only want to chat to each other as that's the only reason they're there. Other times it may be regulars who know a bit more about each other, haven't seen each other for a while and are catching up, more as friends than swingers. Or who knows? I've often felt a bit of an outsider at a club, but that's ok as no-one is obliged to make me feel included in anything. Doesn't mean people are cliquey by any means." I agree with you on this. When people are new to the club scene if they are polite and friendly I would always make them feel welcome and introduce them to people in a club. I've been there when I first started out and it's hard to chat with people that are already in conversation. Like you say they may have arranged a meet on neutral ground | |||
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