FabSwingers.com > Forums > Chat room feedback/discussion > Ghosting....
Ghosting....
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Having been both a single male and a couples member, i wanted to get peoples take on this issue...
Now for most men on here, i presume theyve become accustomed to women simply blocking them as they get inundated with messages from guys - what i dont get is when you message a female, she responds positively to your profile and reciprocates with pictures of them, you get to organising a social call or vid chat with a view to discussing a social meet for a drink - and then just like that, they ignore your messages, dont respond or better yet block you whilst youve been waiting for their response to take things further..
The crazy thing is that its happened when ive had a couples profile also where both me and my female fwb were looking for another female to join us, so its not limited to the sole guy searching for a female situ..
I would love to hear both sides responses to this and why/what is happening here... |
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By *DAM69Man 5 weeks ago
Midlands |
This a break down of a generation and click bait and attention seeking . UK and USA is riff with it.
You can be good looking have a good job and still wont get a meet .
Only Just this Friday I was ghosted .
Your better off staying of these website and just go to clubs where there are real people whom are there to actually meet people like you . Social media has destroyed dating .
In fact many men now are leaving USA and UK to go to the East were women want a European men for traditional values .
UK is a Broken country. |
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It's always a bit of a shame when people you've been messaging back and forth suddenly just stop replying. Would far rather a message just to say something like "thank you, will be back in touch if we/I decide to take this further' at least that then ends conversation convivially and politely. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
People change their minds. It happens.
Just because you don't know why doesn't mean they're wrong.
This is swinging. Consent and comfort are key. It could be anything that put them off. A photo, something you said or inferred in a message. Something they saw in your profile that they missed at first glance. They may have seen you in the forums and then clicked the little green arrow, seen something off putting that you said in a previous forum thread and decided to cut the conversation.
The problem is that there are no end of people who don't like rejection and being told no. So they block, rather than potentially face being inundated with 'but why' messages when they change their minds.
It's not just women. Men do it too. As do couples. You're owed nothing at all on here and rejection is par for the course and happens to most at some point.
If its happening frequently then maybe it's time to reevaluate your approach.
If people respectfully accepted someone's decision to change their mind more often, rather than question why they've done so, there'd be a lot less 'ghosting' happening. Sadly this is unlikely to happen and it's rife on the Internet. Always will be. |
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You can understand that happening at the very outset after 0, 1 or 2 exchanged messages, but not after a good amount of messages and pics being exchanged where the party was extremely interested in moving forward...
Just doesnt sit right tbh at such a later stage... |
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Absolutely the perogative of the individuals as to whether to end or continue a message exchange. I guess I'm old fashioned and would rather simply a polite "no thank you" than a sudden cut off.
Either that or I'm just a needy puppy craving attention and playful fun and need putting in place lol x |
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I agree with much of what Obi H said.
It could be they were put off by something said,or didn't like being asked or requested to do a certain thing.
I can only speak for myself, but these are why I tend to stop engaging & may block. Any sort of nagging, or telling me what to do /asking to meet /send more pics etc.
It is easier to block, because so many members get abusive when told that you've changed your mind etc.
You do get a small number of people who never intended to meet & get off on doing this sort of thing.
Just because someone has spoken to you a bit, they are under no obligation to meet you & anyone can change their mind at any time. |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"You can understand that happening at the very outset after 0, 1 or 2 exchanged messages, but not after a good amount of messages and pics being exchanged where the party was extremely interested in moving forward...
Just doesnt sit right tbh at such a later stage..."
It can happen at any stage. There's no rules.
If you haven't done your full due diligence (chatted on the phone or video called offsite for example) and are going on whatever was said in messages, then all that's happened is you've swapped words on the Internet. It could have been anyone.
Even if they were real, it still means nothing. Some people just change their minds. Which is everyone's prerogative. I've done it many times myself after months of loose chat. It only takes one thing to put someone off. |
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By *DAM69Man 5 weeks ago
Midlands |
Two weeks of messages and lots of photos a meet arranged for a Friday and then nothing even exchanged phone numbers .
You text but no reply . Even couples have done this , saying they are on their way yet never arrive , now me I got worried and called and no replies until next morning with a photo of his wife in bed . WTF .  |
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By *bi HaiveMan 5 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Two weeks of messages and lots of photos a meet arranged for a Friday and then nothing even exchanged phone numbers .
You text but no reply . Even couples have done this , saying they are on their way yet never arrive , now me I got worried and called and no replies until next morning with a photo of his wife in bed . WTF . "
So call as soon as numbers are exchanged, early doors, not just before a meet that has been planned.
Speak to people. It's a great way to find out more, discuss preferences, ask any questions and make a firm decision before even contemplating booking a room, a club event or travelling any distance.
Texts are no different to messages on here. Just words on a screen that could be typed by anyone.  |
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"Two weeks of messages and lots of photos a meet arranged for a Friday and then nothing even exchanged phone numbers .
You text but no reply . Even couples have done this , saying they are on their way yet never arrive , now me I got worried and called and no replies until next morning with a photo of his wife in bed . WTF . "
Don't take it to heart. I know it's easier said than done.
I have had some questionable experiences but I have accepted that this is people. Some are great at communicating and some aren't. Some people respect and value other people's time and unfortunately there are loads that don't. You mention the UK and the US in your post. I don't think it has anything to with a breakdown in society. Personally men who talk about looking outside their own countries in this way, tend to go to countries that are poorer and find women who have to depend on them. This may not be what your intention but unfortunately it's what happens. |
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Depends on the persons responses - initial pics and responses are usually always non sexual...
If the female gets sexual then il reciprocate and the response is always postive - it just seems to go weird once you ask them to have a chat over a vidcall, despite them saying yes to a social meet up |
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"Depends on the persons responses - initial pics and responses are usually always non sexual...
If the female gets sexual then il reciprocate and the response is always postive - it just seems to go weird once you ask them to have a chat over a vidcall, despite them saying yes to a social meet up"
It might not have a couple. You do have lots of men pretending to be part of a couple. It's happened to me loads. As soon as I mention a phone call - it's like the magic words to make them disappear. It's annoying but it happens!!! |
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Sometimes something someone says or does sends out red warning signs even after you’ve been chatting for a while .. the adult thing is to respond explaining that comment has caused you to change your mind but people can react very badly to any form of negativity
Perhaps people find ghosting easier than confrontation |
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‘I can’t get a shag therefore the UK is broken :-s’
"This a break down of a generation and click bait and attention seeking . UK and USA is riff with it.
You can be good looking have a good job and still wont get a meet .
Only Just this Friday I was ghosted .
Your better off staying of these website and just go to clubs where there are real people whom are there to actually meet people like you . Social media has destroyed dating .
In fact many men now are leaving USA and UK to go to the East were women want a European men for traditional values .
UK is a Broken country. "
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By *ornLordMan 5 weeks ago
Wiltshire and London |
"‘I can’t get a shag therefore the UK is broken :-s’ This a break down of a generation and click bait and attention seeking . UK and USA is riff with it.
You can be good looking have a good job and still wont get a meet .
Only Just this Friday I was ghosted .
Your better off staying of these website and just go to clubs where there are real people whom are there to actually meet people like you . Social media has destroyed dating .
In fact many men now are leaving USA and UK to go to the East were women want a European men for traditional values .
UK is a Broken country. "
Yes, I had a good chortle when I read this one as well. |
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By *lan157Man 5 weeks ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
I was ghosted by someone I arranged a date with for this week . I had spotted the red flags ( age of her profile membership versus the small number of verifications in the summary, No published verifications and being regularly online here but not my reading or responding to messages on our third party chat which she initiated) so I was prepared for a no show. You have to be aware OP. When it works however the result is worth waiting for. |
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By *heelerMan 5 weeks ago
Northants |
"Having been both a single male and a couples member, i wanted to get peoples take on this issue...
Now for most men on here, i presume theyve become accustomed to women simply blocking them as they get inundated with messages from guys - what i dont get is when you message a female, she responds positively to your profile and reciprocates with pictures of them, you get to organising a social call or vid chat with a view to discussing a social meet for a drink - and then just like that, they ignore your messages, dont respond or better yet block you whilst youve been waiting for their response to take things further..
The crazy thing is that its happened when ive had a couples profile also where both me and my female fwb were looking for another female to join us, so its not limited to the sole guy searching for a female situ..
I would love to hear both sides responses to this and why/what is happening here..."
Join the club |
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By *bflirtyCouple 5 weeks ago
Milton Keynes |
There is also the “weekend” factor. What starts off as tipsy flirty fun on a Friday/Saturday night dissipates on Monday and by the following weekend the inboxes are full all over again and so the cycle goes. We’ve found that if a conversation doesn’t turn into a meet that weekend then it probably won’t. Nothing personal to anyone, it’s just the pressures of Fab fantasy vs real life. |
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By *DAM69Man 5 weeks ago
Midlands |
Sexual chat and nice open minded photos .
But that's not the point, why play someone if you don't intend to meet .
Why send nude photos if you don't intend to meet . Why say lets meet and arrange a date then get totally ghosted on that day . Yet receive a nude photo the next morning . Its just mind games .  |
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By *DAM69Man 5 weeks ago
Midlands |
"There is also the “weekend” factor. What starts off as tipsy flirty fun on a Friday/Saturday night dissipates on Monday and by the following weekend the inboxes are full all over again and so the cycle goes. We’ve found that if a conversation doesn’t turn into a meet that weekend then it probably won’t. Nothing personal to anyone, it’s just the pressures of Fab fantasy vs real life. "
Yes mind games . |
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By *itaminMan 5 weeks ago
Felixstowe |
"This a break down of a generation and click bait and attention seeking . UK and USA is riff with it.
You can be good looking have a good job and still wont get a meet .
Only Just this Friday I was ghosted .
Your better off staying of these website and just go to clubs where there are real people whom are there to actually meet people like you . Social media has destroyed dating .
In fact many men now are leaving USA and UK to go to the East were women want a European men for traditional values .
UK is a Broken country. "
Yep.
The people who brush this comment off are the ones who eat up the msm propaganda like it was liquid nirvana. |
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By *luttTV/TS 5 weeks ago
Duns |
"This a break down of a generation and click bait and attention seeking . UK and USA is riff with it.
You can be good looking have a good job and still wont get a meet .
Only Just this Friday I was ghosted .
Your better off staying of these website and just go to clubs where there are real people whom are there to actually meet people like you . Social media has destroyed dating .
In fact many men now are leaving USA and UK to go to the East were women want a European men for traditional values .
UK is a Broken country. "
Either that, or some people have experienced online harassment first-hand and put their own safety over strangers’ feelings.
But sure, the UK is broken just because women aren’t doormats. |
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I think as long as you haven't got ready, got babysitters in, all excited for a new meet, you arrive at the pub etc and they are a no show.
That's vile, never happened to us but know couples it has.
Hopefully they would be kicked off site.
Everyone can get cold feet, have a change of mind but a text just to say "lost our bottle sorry to let you down" is fine as long as not on the day, at least 24 hours would be nice.
If they won't give mobile numbers and the lady is always busy or nipped out, give them a swerve.
 |
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By *DAM69Man 5 weeks ago
Midlands |
"This a break down of a generation and click bait and attention seeking . UK and USA is riff with it.
You can be good looking have a good job and still wont get a meet .
Only Just this Friday I was ghosted .
Your better off staying of these website and just go to clubs where there are real people whom are there to actually meet people like you . Social media has destroyed dating .
In fact many men now are leaving USA and UK to go to the East were women want a European men for traditional values .
UK is a Broken country.
Either that, or some people have experienced online harassment first-hand and put their own safety over strangers’ feelings.
But sure, the UK is broken just because women aren’t doormats. "
And men are not doormats either . And if they have experienced harassment, why site on a website .
Why sit on facebook if your getting so called bullied .
Why even touch social media . like I said its mind games and attention seeking . Just look at the state of people doing silly things to get noticed .  |
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By *DAM69Man 5 weeks ago
Midlands |
"I think as long as you haven't got ready, got babysitters in, all excited for a new meet, you arrive at the pub etc and they are a no show.
That's vile, never happened to us but know couples it has.
Hopefully they would be kicked off site.
Everyone can get cold feet, have a change of mind but a text just to say "lost our bottle sorry to let you down" is fine as long as not on the day, at least 24 hours would be nice.
If they won't give mobile numbers and the lady is always busy or nipped out, give them a swerve.
"
Of course if a change of heart just send a text . Sorry called into work or sorry cant do this . All human . Its the mind games and ghosting that comes with it .Why text saying We are on our way . what's your post code . Then you wait an wait and a NO show. Then next morning a text with nude photo of his wife in bed . lol 😂 |
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"I think as long as you haven't got ready, got babysitters in, all excited for a new meet, you arrive at the pub etc and they are a no show.
That's vile, never happened to us but know couples it has.
Hopefully they would be kicked off site.
Everyone can get cold feet, have a change of mind but a text just to say "lost our bottle sorry to let you down" is fine as long as not on the day, at least 24 hours would be nice.
If they won't give mobile numbers and the lady is always busy or nipped out, give them a swerve.
Of course if a change of heart just send a text . Sorry called into work or sorry cant do this . All human . Its the mind games and ghosting that comes with it .Why text saying We are on our way . what's your post code . Then you wait an wait and a NO show. Then next morning a text with nude photo of his wife in bed . lol 😂 "
We've had people attending a social group meet call us and say we are outside the pub and too nervous to come in alone, can you come out and meet us and give us the car model etc.
Go outside nobody there.
What goes on in their sad minds. |
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"I think as long as you haven't got ready, got babysitters in, all excited for a new meet, you arrive at the pub etc and they are a no show.
That's vile, never happened to us but know couples it has.
Hopefully they would be kicked off site.
Everyone can get cold feet, have a change of mind but a text just to say "lost our bottle sorry to let you down" is fine as long as not on the day, at least 24 hours would be nice.
If they won't give mobile numbers and the lady is always busy or nipped out, give them a swerve.
Of course if a change of heart just send a text . Sorry called into work or sorry cant do this . All human . Its the mind games and ghosting that comes with it .Why text saying We are on our way . what's your post code . Then you wait an wait and a NO show. Then next morning a text with nude photo of his wife in bed . lol 😂 "
We've had people attending a social group meet call us and say we are outside the pub and too nervous to come in alone, can you come out and meet us and give us the car model etc.
Go outside nobody there.
What goes on in their sad minds. |
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