 | Mixed feelings about Liberty Elite but probably best to start where we started, we attended the Red Christmas Party with high expectations as we had read some great reviews. Access to the club is easy, parking well laid out and plentiful. As we intended to stay over we had booked a room, which we were told had recently been revamped. Revamped didn’t come close, the rooms have had a full makeover which has clearly been thought through, is tasteful, comfortable and the rooms are a pleasure to stay in. Cannot speak highly enough of the accommodation, it really was a pleasure.
The club itself is large and clean with plenty of room available for all. Unfortunately there is now an however, that being, for us, everything was far too regimented and started with the £20 locker fee as part of the signing in process. We didn’t like the need to provide our full name, address and maternal grandmothers, aardvark’s maiden name. Nor did we like having to provide official ID, something we have not done for decades at such an occasion and is highly questionable under the GDPR Act.
The brisk tour of the club was helpful and mildly informative. Unfortunately as the tour progressed, so to did the list of rules, regulations and regime demands - you must wear clothes here, you must change here, you must use the lockers here, you must be without clothes here and beyond, you must have a rose between your teeth here and you must have a carrot up your arse here. The main playroom was next to the jacuzzi and chlorine hung heavy in the air, something we found somewhat more than a tad off-putting!
The upstairs playrooms - ‘no-one’s allowed upstairs with their clothes on!’ - were, in our view at least, slightly cramped, somewhat spartan and boasting all the aesthetic appeal of a private patient’s oncology ward.
Back downstairs there is a limited but adequate bar surrounded by comfortable seating on two sides and on the third a reasonably spacious dance floor. There was a DJ playing what is laughingly described as music but sounded more like the amplified heartbeat of an aged rutting bull elephant on beta blockers. After many requests for change and a dearth of people on the dance floor the DJ eventually put on some slightly more appealing 80s music, although cheesy 70s Christmas music might have been more appropriate for the occasion. The change did manage to attract the two or three couples who had requested it, this also allowed others in the area to interact and communicate with each other.
The buffet was also adequate, with more variety than some lesser clubs provide but still somewhat heavy in the bread and pastry department and we were amused by the addition of garlic and curried items, not natural bed fellows for such a gathering.
It is fair to state, we made no attempt to play as we had been put off during the tour by the many dictatorial signs, so cannot fairly comment on what happened in the main, chlorinated playrooms as every time we poked our head in to see, we found our lungs burning and our eyes streaming.
By midnight numbers had dwindled and having watched at least a dozen couples leave, we headed for our room at about 12.30am.
We’ve debated for some days as to whether or not we should leave this review. However having read the other reviews, it would appear others were as impressed as us with the accommodation and some with the food, although quite tellingly, this is all they commented on, which does in itself speak volumes. We also found it strange that a couple of reviewers found the time to write glowing reviews whilst in the midst of following the general ‘pleasure seeking’. This is particularly interesting as we saw no evidence of anyone carrying internet enabled telephones, tablets or laptops particularly in the naked areas! It is also worth reflecting that they were banned, so it does beg the question of the validity of the reviews.
Finally we have to return to the room, it really was excellent, the comfort of the bed was sublime, the decor incredibly well matched, the bathroom was immaculate - absolutely perfect for our every need. Whilst we wouldn’t rush to return to the club, we would certainly rent the room if ever we were in the area on business, if only a such a thing were possible.
Date: 29 December 2019
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